BIGLE BINDIE BOON

I have a few things running through my head, I have not addressed and pinned down.

Option 1: Runaway into the bush, to which you may survive, you may reemerge and you may be crowned a victor of the wild.
Option 2: Become your musical dream, now with less tassles holding you back, you can and will do what is necessary. Be the John of the physical, heralding the end of definition, while living one in grovelling despair.
Option 3: Continue your plans to go to SA and be, what you are required to be there, expect the unexpected, hoping for a red pill to take me down the tunnel of my regret.
Option 4: Grovel in my despair and end up taking my life.

Option 0: This isn’t really an option as the above are just timeloops I can live out before I get back to option zero, though to live out the timeloops I have to be willing to make them my definition for a time and thereby I am trapped in time and I have ‘purpose’ for a time.

Option 5: Write about this on OF and feed my ego by doing so.

SF:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think there are any options, but rather that the eventual cause of me is for me to face myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse that experience through timeloops will force me to face myself in many ways, as an excuse to do the time loops.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do self forgiveness because I have now labelled it the right thing to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suddenly want to write as soon as I hear some semi-familiar music which brings up old memories and old manifestations of the past.

All these options, which is easier? Build a foundation on that which has fallen, building on a semi crippled building and then labelling it my self definition and it is GOOD because it is DIFFERENT because different is the flavour of the month and thereby I can be heralded as some original thinker because it is different.

I have the nagging of my mother telling me I should apply more self forgiveness, what do I want and what do I want it to mean..

I didn’t want to exist in the first place so why am I now forcing myself to experience?

All of a sudden, I want to do this, or I want to do that, but unless it is universal application, it is worthless. Unless I mean it with my whole heart – all minds.

I can be this turn of the wheel or that turn of the wheel but if I only apply when I have dips…. you see that is when I apply in extremism because I force myself through the application and the spiral is ridden further down than usual, instead of hopping up a level to the equivalent greater swirl to avoid becoming nothing.

Some will understand, some will not. To avoid contact with people on some days is the best way to hide your volatile nature or to put on a veil that you can come across as, ‘he’s really nice’, all the time.

Either way, it does not matter whether they hate you or they love you.

So what then? Either way I experience… but there is no holding back…. There is nothing particularly drastic you can resort to at the end as a last resort because the worst and the easiest of the end is right HERE all the time, there is no running away… circumstances may change and you can get used to any circumstances if you let yourself… no matter how dire, you still operate under a certain amount of kinetic muscle to movement to eat, to live…

And if you die? You just re amalgamate and as re amalgamation you go through in one moment, your entire experience as you have allowed and you face yourself…. you face the resistances in one moment because the charge that you have acquired through this time must get out and quickly, so it must go through the path you have designated.

You see, the hope is that there is something that we are working towards that will stop death, that will give us the option of not having to go back. It may be Jesus. It may be a quiet discernment of reality with a calm confidence that, ‘I know what’s going on around me’.

How will we deal with ourselves? and while living?

‘Fall on us, mountains, fall on us.’

NO! You must live out your existence ALIVE!

This endless tunnel of regret, you must LIVE it!!

It goes against every grain and every muscle to look at these things….

The momentum of reality is coming to a stand still and will start going backwards..