You have eyes in the back of your face

You have eyes in the back of your face.

And a need to bestow.

…

Ok.

Past desires.

I want to be the catalyst.

I want it to be over with.

Now.

I want to be powerful

I want it to last forever.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be the catalyst.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that being a catalyst would make me powerful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire a purpose that is above all other’s purposes, thereby being the catalyst for change but not necessarily existing forever, just a significant part of creation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to settle for anything less than HERE.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that by defining myself as the catalyst I become a definition and thus i am less than who I really am, which does not exist infinitely.

If not infinite, then not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do self forgiveness and process from the starting point of living infinitely.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do self forgiveness and process from the starting point of wanting to be a catalyst.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do self forgiveness and process from the starting point of wanting to be powerful.

I don’t want.

I already am

I have been, will be, and am.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that from the very starting point of wanting to be powerful I will never be powerful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be powerful from the starting point of being over others.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that the only power I would be over is myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not to realise that the polarity opposite of confident powerful is doubt of self.

I want something different then.

A drastic change in something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on drastic changes to do process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want something different than what I experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I have devious desires and that I might be punished if people knew what I really wanted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be participating in a knowledge based, time trapped experience where I am lost.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that I cannot lose myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on polarity jumps to get me ‘in line’.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that playing the polarity game drains me of my life essence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel I need to always be at defense to the mind.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that I am one and equal to my mind and all its constructs and I feel inferior because of what I have created and let control me as who I really am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look down at my abdomen and feel sexual attraction to the picture of myself that I see as my abdomen, with abs, slender build, pubic hair, belly button, sexy undies and a mole.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define these undies, davenport, as sexy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am more sexually attractive when I wear sexy undies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be sexually attracted to the picture of my undies on me and the way they wrap around my pelvic region.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that by being sexually attracted to the picture of myself I am  in seperation of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pride myself in my big hands.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach attributes to having big hands such as: big cock, smart, intelligent, useful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as having old hands.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my hands as having an old soul with old hands.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value on my hands that I have participated in the ego of the mind thinking of how special and precious my hands are.

Ok. stop for now.