Fear of work

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear going to work tomorrow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my application is wrong because I am not doing the breathing application constantly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I can’t be who I am in the breathing application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be obsessive compulsive with the breathing application taking it to the extreme where I  now fear it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my mind to apply the breathing application, forcing it upon myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise life when I see it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I need my memory to operate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to apply just because others are applying.

I do this for myself.

I am the directive principle.

I am here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take what someone said about being here seriously, that I cannot say that I am here if I am not here.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that if I think I am not here, I am not here.

I obliterate beliefs

I obliterate knowledge

I obliterate personalitys

I live my words from now on

Till here and no further.

I do not stand for what my mind says.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight my mind thinking it is my enemy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for obscure/abstract self forgivenesses so that I might write them down and get other’s affirmations that I am doing a good job and I am assisting them.

But who will assist me?

Only I can assist me.

I FORGIVE MYSELF THAT I HAVE ACCEPTED AND ALLOWED MYSELF TO THINK THAT EXPERIENCE IS EASIER AND BETTER THAN SELF FORGIVENESS AND SELF APPLICATION IN PROCESS.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define levels of process within my mind which I slot into at different times.

The body twitches different muscles as I write self forgivenesses.

Yelling

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel insecure when I hear yelling.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry when I hear yelling.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that if I don’t do what the yelling person says I will get hurt.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think that I can be hurt from yelling.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my anger as a reaction to yelling.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be sad when i saw mum and dad yelling at each other.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing my security when I saw mum and dad yelling at me.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to listen to myself when I feel major discomfort and insecurity when even my mum has yelled at me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of my mum.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put trust in my mum.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to love my mum as I have defined it, as I have accepted and allowed me to be taught and programmed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my father yelling at me.

My father was a yeller. He yelled at everything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that fear is security.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I cannot live without fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear footsteps on the floorboards.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that someone is coming to punish me when I hear footsteps.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest a fast beating heart when I hear footsteps nearby on the foundations of the house I am in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be annoyed at myself that I react in this way towards footsteps.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty for doing things, like being in a room I’m not meant to be, playing computer games so when I hear footsteps I fear what could happen and I quickly get out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I was doing something wrong that I should have been punished for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at me for doing things that I define as wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my children cannot touch the things that I own because they could break them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not to trust my children.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that distrust in my children is distrust in myself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to know myself, and thereby know my children, live them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at my father for not being like other dads.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be inept of compassion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be inept of intimacy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am incompetent and thereby take my anger out on my children and wife.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my father for what he was and what he did to me.

I forgive myself taht I have accepted and allowed myself to adapt my home relationship with my family then to my living now that I create trauma, victimism, relationships with confidence.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to listen to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take self forgiveness to the extreme that I must write things down I cannot type them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have obligation and use guilt on myself to change the way I act.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that I don’t need to use guilt manipulation on myself to act.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to control myself with the remote control of guilt.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that this is the mirror of guilt manipulation I have used on others and that mum has used on me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept the existence of guilt as normal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take guilt on as a personal truth because it is my conscience speaking to me from god that I have sinned.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see through the conscience and to see through guilt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be controlled by guilt from god.

Morality and Honesty

Morality was taught

Honesty was taught

This is not self honest.
I do not learn how to be.

I am.

What is moral?

Do not steal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I should not steal, lest I face consequences that I know are coming to me because I know that I have done something bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that stealing is bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to steal, justifying, there is no such as wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore my impulses and realise what they are, when they are and apply accordingly.

Do not kill.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that killing is wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I can excuse myself to kill by justifying that polarity is ‘wrong’.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that my resistance to them that kill causes killing.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see through the world’s form of honesty and morality to make my own decision as to what is self honest and what is self dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do self forgiveness just because it makes me feel better, just because I have no where else to go.

I do for me, what I do.

As self as all as one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as parroting words from another.

Do not lie.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that lieing is bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I can do anything against my morals because I can justify that all is the same.

Resistance = resistance.

What is put in, you get back.

I judge myself. The world judges me, I judge the world as judging me and I judge myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the world, the mirror of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive another judging me, thereby judging myself, my perception of them and then finding another reason to judge the world, myself.

What a mind fuck.

Accumulated knowledge as judgements.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up in despair.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that only the mind can give up.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that by giving up, my reality gives up on me and things start imploding.

Sense? Where is the sense?

Where is the sense in this?

Common sense. As understood by the physical.

The dog is lying on my lap. He is dreaming. I wonder if my experiences are being had my him as assistance. He throbs and makes muffled barks. Chewing noises inside his mouth. His eyelids flicker.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I have gone too far to get out now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to write self forgivenesses with expectation someone will read them.

I am starting to understand better.
Even in my dips. I am here.

It is not for desteni. It is not for Bernard. It is for me. My mind hits me hard when I start doing it for something else, denying I am not doing it from the starting point of myself in self honesty. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my mind as hitting me hard, as a teacher with a stick.

I’m creating things now. Searching/creating.

Going to leave it there for the moment.

Anger

Anger through breathing.

Application. Obsessive compulsive breathing.

Anger

The orgasm of breath to release the greater cycle/orgasm of anger.

Death has all the answers

We all come to the same place and we all go back to the same place.

Where is the seperation? Life.

Then in living as we have defined it, focus is to be attented. The seperation from ourselves. Living as our perception.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as, I don’t want to be like the rest of humanity.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not to realise that humanity is me, is the mirror reflection of what I have accepted and allowed in and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I need to use tactics to rid myself from the mind, whereas tactics are the mind.

Practical, simple, straight forward, common sense.