Queastions

Questions.

Who?
What?
When?
Where?
Why?
How?
Is it?
Is this?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself not realise that I write ‘for’ instead of ‘that I have’, thus showing me a suppression of me as God as what I have accepted and allowed as self as Jesus as thinking I need to say ‘for’ because it is what it is ‘for’ and not what I have.
Where as, have is an easily definable separation. I don’t have anything, I have self.
I do things for me in application as self in and as what I have accepted and allowed.

I find this definition of self forgiveness more apt -

I forgive self for accepting and allowing self to..

Once self is realised, self is self. My associates to me. Though I find some separation in me when I say self instead of myself. I think this is because self as all as one and equal is still foreign to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as self, where as I think I am infact making a fantastic tool better, where self is all and self is myself and I have a connection to the word ‘my’. I have defined mine and mine and my all the time.

It is not mine it is self’s. laughs. It is not self it is self’s. Self, in and as oneness and equality owns self? It owns something separate? It does, because this is self as self has accepted and allowed my self to become.

I need to stop and have a break from all this excruciating self selfness my head says. Well self on this.!.

humour? self?huh? That just doesn’t make any sense, I need something I can grasp I need facts, I need love of in insecurity in and as security as all around me ‘definitely defined’. Self defining self again. Mind defining self again. In and as self.

In and as. If self is in and as oneness and equality in and as self then self can’t be self. However, self is self. There isn’t any room for self to be because self is in and as self and if self is all that exists, where is self? self.

Niftyness. Self is nifty is quick is decisive is definitive is able.

I need to start writing about my history as this body.

What is the earliest memory I can remember?
I have suppressed a bit. My childhood wasn’t pleasant to say the least.
I as self was punished by what self has accepted and allowed self to become as my dad whipping me, hitting me, hitting my mum, hitting my sisters. He never really hit my oldest sister. I don’t think he ever has. He’s had a small go at my youngest sister but not anything much. My middle sister got a whipping once when she ran away from home and at the time I was listening to my mothers bitching and whining and dad´s anger. I´d hide in self as ´yay, it isn´t about me, I´m not getting bashed, it is someone else, whoopee.´ So I wouldn’t really care about what happened. I’d just participate in the anger and frustration and tears and anxiety that surrounded the event, sympathising with my mother and sisters. This one knew what she was doing. Our home was no place to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my mother’s side when my middle sister ran away, to where she was babysitting.

Katie did tell some stories to the babiesat kid’s mum. The mum put her up for a bit and sympathized with her.

Katie got whipped with a belt. We all, the four of us stood back and watched, unable to do anything, captivated by our fear, and still just watching and crying and hysteric. Dad finished at some point, walked out in his rage, mum crying over Katie, what have you done darling, us in hysterics of sorts, running around with our tails of fire. Mum caused it as much as Dad did, we caused it as much as Dad did. Mum bitching and whining and worrieing and causing guilt for the manifestation of punishment, dad as the God as the father, as the anger, punishing people according to mum´s selection; including herself. She worried about our safety but she must have feared her own. She was bashed on a regular basis.

Dad stopped bashing mum as some point. But didn’t stop me. He was bashed, more than he bashed me I was told. Am I grateful. Thanks.

What are you doing? Matthew.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wonder what I am doing as a third person perspective, Matthew.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself.. not to realise that the mind participation cannot stop unless I direct self in every moment of every breath. I require breathing, every moment. Therefore every moment I direct self. By breathing.

I am self conscious of myself when I am on camera because I see myself to direct myself constantly. I direct self. I move self. In every moment of every breath.

I direct.